On tatami, I feel wonderful. I enjoy nearly every training. But when I think about it outside the dojo, I often have a feeling of despair because I cannot see any progress. It's confusing because I don't understand how it is possible to enjoy something so much without any tangible results.
And I have the same ambivalent feeling about the black belt. When I started aikido years ago, I never believed I would be able to make it so far. The black belt was an unreachable goal. A part of me still cannot really believe that I have done it. It feels little bit sad - like something is finishing . I suppose the sadness is heightened by the fact that I am leaving soon. I will miss you all dearly. But at the same time it feels exciting - like beginning of something new.
So I guess the only thing I can do is to keep practising wherever I go and not to think about it too much. Thank you for everything, I have had wonderful time with you and I will never forget you.